Away from here
by bibitta007
Summary: Liz woke up one day and she didn't want to be here anymore so she ran to the only person who could make her disappear. Lizzington story, rated T, but it can change to M later.
1. Chapter 1

**A beautiful song inspired me (Swing life away by Rise Against) to write this fanfiction. Maybe there will be some M rated chapter, still don't even know the details but I updated it so you can decide that I should continue or not. ( : **

**I hope you like this, the English is not my first language and all the mistakes are mine.**

**I don't own the Blacklist!**

"_I've been here so long, I think that it's time to move  
>The winter's so cold, summer's over too soon<br>Let's pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow"_

**1. Enough**

Elizabeth woke up four in the morning and her first thought was the next;

_Enough!_

_Wake up, go to work, chasing bad guys, come home, fall asleep, repeat._

Elizabeth Keen had enough of her life.

She just survived the days since Tom had disappeared – which was almost a year ago. She was only thirty-two but she felt herself old and weak. Every goddamn day was a great pull on that pretty rope around her and day by day, inch by inch this rope got tighter, it took away all of her breaths and strangled her.

But today was different. Something new; time of the realization. The reason of her misery was the role she lived in; the perfect-good-girl-law-obeying FBI agent who lived how the society required from her.

And she was sick of it.

As she lay on her bed and stared the ceiling her thought went back to the ancient times when she had used to be free and happy, doing what her heart wanted consequences had been damned.

At the summer of 2003, she had packed her necessary things into a bag, kissed her beloved father's cheek, got into the car and she had gone for two months. She hadn't planned anything; she had woken up in Maryland and fall asleep in Charleston. She had been everywhere, around the country while she had met with the most interesting people and things in this life.

From East to West, North and South.

Liz had spoken with a family who had been working on their farm for a living, with a homeless man who had been a veteran from the war of Vietnam. There had been a girl who had worked at a jazz club as a singer and waitress too; the same who had satisfied her curiosity about kissing a woman, then there had been the old lady who had been waiting for her bus when Lizzie had picked her up, because the bus had never arrived. Rose, the old lady had told Liz that she would go to see her grandson for a first time.

Liz's heart melted at the warm memory then she chuckled when the thought of Rick crossed her mind. Rick had been a sweet transvestite who had taken her to a gay bar. It had been a hell of a night! She had absolutely loved it.

Liz clearly remembered that her next destination was Peter's arms. Peter had been a 45 year old history teacher. For a first sight he had been shy but in the bedroom he had been the most skillful and passionate lover she had ever had. She had stayed with him for three days and they had left his bedroom only when they had been hungry or one of them had had to use the bathroom. Both Lizzie and Peter had known that they would never meet again so they had been honest with each other in the most brutal way; no topic had been inappropriate during that three days. And of course they had lived out their wildest, almost perverse fantasies on each other.

She had got really drunk with a group of hippies at the beach – that was the day when the song _Because _by _The Beatles_ had won a totally new perspective in her.

Before she had returned to home, Liz had stopped at a tattoo artist who had created a visible fond memory of her fantastic summer on her skin in a small symbol of swallow at the left side of her lower back…

Liz sighed. She wanted to change into her twenty-one years old version again who wasn't afraid of the world but most importantly; who wasn't afraid of herself.

Because the scariest moments were when she was awake in the lonely hours of the morning and she was just wondering about leaving this house, the city, the country, Ressler, Cooper, Aram, Samar, Dembe, Red….Red. Her heart ached for a pregnant moment then jealousy ran through. She was jealous of his life sometimes. Maybe he was the misery himself, with broken heart and broken life – but at least he could live by his own rule and no judge above him but his principles. He had the power to jump into his jet and fly everywhere he desired; watching the sunrise on the Great Wall, having breakfast in Australia, feel the cold Russian winter, enjoying a great lunch in Florence, savoring every sip of the greatest wine in a balcony at Provence, fill the delicious silence with a cup of English tea and witnessing the calming rainy afternoon in London, feeling the last sunburst of the day on his skin in Portugal, get overwhelmed by the heated Havana night and watching those beautiful green lights at the Artic as the last sight of the day. She wanted all of this; _meeting with ordinary and weird people, cultures, languages, foods, drinks, pleasures, arts, designs. Listening live music, watching movies, get drunk, having hangover, dancing, swimming in lakes, drowning into the sensation of a man's touch, make love while the weather goes hell outside, feel the wind of her naked skin, seducing, flirting, loving…feeling alive! Feel all of her senses come alive again and cry because of the happiness. _

Just once again.

Her breaths quickened at the thought; why not? There was no Blacklister and she hadn't taken any day off in the past two years, so why not?

She quickly went to have shower, dressed up and left her house.

She was about to get into her car when she had realized that the Sun started climbing up to the sky while the somnolent city was still peaceful. She wanted to last this beautiful picture as long as possible and Red's actual safe house was thirty minutes from there so she chose walking while Liz was listening her favourite morning playlist through the headset.

She was reckless.

Maybe this was going to be a mistake in the perspective of her carrier.

But she liked it! God how she loved it!

For a long time this was the first thought which excited her completely. Liz felt like who had just woken up from a terrible nightmare where she had been totally disinterested and emotionless.

She had stopped at a bakery and she bought a few pastries for breakfast. Maybe Red would accept her offer with something sweet, she thought.

It was still early when she arrived but Liz was sure that Red had already run three businesses. To her biggest surprise, instead of the fresh Concierge of Crime in three piece suit the sleepy Red opened the door while he tried to put on the bathrobe but his right hand which held the gun prevented the plan. For a brief moment she couldn't help but her eyes wandered on his body from his masculine calves, across his burgundy boxer underwear (which clearly show his not so small manhood), up on his not-so-well-shaped-but-still-tough-and-hot torso. Her eyes caught the sight of his tattoo on the left side of his chest but as the bathrobe hid it, she blushed a little and looked at Red's eyes who thankfully hadn't witnessed her staring.

"Lizzie, what do I owe the pleasure to see you here…" she found quiet cute as his still sleepy eyes tried to catch the exact time on his wristwatch. "Five in the morning?"

"Can I come in?" when she saw his still questioning eyes Liz offered the paper bag with a small smile on her face. "I brought some pastry for breakfast too."

Red narrowed his eyes but let her in. He had no earthy idea why she had been there but he didn't mind at all since she had been so kind to him. However he felt that Liz would want something in return.

"What is your morning drink?" Liz asked while she put the muffins and croissants to a big plate.

"Usually I drink tea but today I think the coffee would be the best." he rubbed the nape of his neck while he couldn't help but yawned.

She didn't know why but she found this side of Red quiet adorable.

"I'll make some. How is this machine is working?" she was too occupied with the coffee machine, she hadn't even heard Red's question, only when he grabbed her wrist gently and stopped her.

"Lizzie, what's wrong?"

"Wrong? Nothing is wrong." she said with innocent eyes.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm really happy that you're here but you should tell me the reason." his voice was law and gentle.

"Okay. I want something. F-from you." she swallowed and closed her eyes for a moment. _Now or never. _"For a first time I didn't come here as your partner; I'd like to be your client."

"I'm not sure that I understood you." he furrowed his brows.

"Red, please, I want to disappear for a while…and I'd like you to help me."

_**to be continued…**_

_**Please, be gentle but…should I continue or just simply throw it into the trashcan? :D**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you all the reviews I'm soooo happy that you're interested! :) I saw the different opinions; Lizzie discovers the world alone, Red shows it to her, bring it to M chapter, no, just let it be rated T…well I think I figured out how to manage these requests so I hope that everybody will find his/her own liking in this story.**

**Hope you'll enjoy this, R&R, please.**

**I don't own anything.**

**2. No…yes…maybe?**

_Previously:_

"_Okay. I want something. F-from you." she swallowed and closed her eyes for a moment. Now or never. "For a first time I didn't come here as your partner; I'd like to be your client."_

"_I'm not sure that I understood you." he furrowed his brows._

"_Red, please, I want to disappear for a while…and I'd like you to help me."_

His dear Lizzie never stopped to cease him. She showed up in this early hour of the morning and asked him to help her disappear…was she out of her mind? He slightly shook his head, trying to make some sense; was she in danger? Somebody threatened her? Was she stoned? Or drunk?

"Okay Lizzie, I'm still in the dark. Why exactly do you want to disappear?" he folded his hands in front of his chest as he leaned against the kitchen counter.

Lizzie swallowed again because she knew that the harder part would come now.

"I want to wimp out for a while."

"Lizzie, did somebody threaten you?"

"No." she sighed. Of course he would do this difficult to her.

"Sweetheart, if you want to end up our arrangement, then say it and I'll disappear." he said it with tightening feeling in his chest. He had started liking her in a way he shouldn't have but God was his witness he had tried to protest at first but then it'd just happened; faint thought here, naughty fantasies there and voila, he was attracted to a woman who hated him…okay, maybe her hate had become a gentle didn't-really-like-you statement. But hey! It was a good start!

"No, I don't want that either." she didn't miss how his body relaxed as he blew out that funny thing which had made his chest tough for a second…not like that his torso wasn't tough enough…especially his shoulders….Lizzie mentally kicked herself for thinking such inappropriate things about him in the middle of a life crisis. "**I **want to disappear. I want to travel around the world for…I don't know…what do you think; six months would be enough?"

"Six mon-" he closed his eyes and shook his head. Yes, she was definitely out of her mind if she had thought that he would have let her go away for six months. "Elizabeth…"

"_Oh no, it's never a good sign when he calls me Elizabeth."_

"I know that I'm not the best person for this but please, explain it because I'm still a little bit confused."

"_Great! Now he's using his puppy eyes! How can I resist?"_ she dropped her head to her chest and thought about a little how she would start it. She knew that she had to be honest because Red could read her as an open book and find her behind the lies. That was the reason why she had showed up here; because she knew he would always find her so she saved time and money for both of them.

"_Ooooh, I so knew that my puppy eyes will help." _his smug grin almost appeared at the corner of his mouth but he bit his cheek to avoid it.

"When I was twenty-one I grabbed my bag and travelled across the country. I was almost everywhere; I saw many places, met many people and did many stupid things." she giggled as the fond memories crossed her mind. "But most importantly I knew myself. I knew where my spirit was and I took care of it. I woke up this morning and all I felt was the empty place in me because I don't know anymore where my spirit is in me if it's still alive. When I was younger I always took a day off, away from people, from duties and all I did was taking care of my mind and spirit with watching a movie, or listening some music or drawing…oh my god, I don't even know when I drew something which didn't belong to the profiler's work." she put her head into her hands.

"Do you think that travelling around the world would help me to find your…spirit?" he asked with disbelief. He thought that she would rather want to escape from the everyday problems than find peace in her soul. And he also knew that it would not help because when she would come back, everything would continue where she had left them.

She felt the judgment and skepticism behind his polite words. For a first time not her stubborn 'I would show you!' side screamed in her; somehow she felt ashamed as she thought about this whole thing again; how crazy it sounded to her ears now. How could she have been so stupid to create this crazy plan?

Red witnessed that lovely red line which inched from neck to her cheeks and Liz dropped her head again.

"Yeah…uhm, just forget it, okay? It was stupid. Can we…" she didn't finish her sentence and he didn't even realize that she had left with the blink of an eye until he heard the slamming sound of the door.

He would never understand this woman. Never.

###

When they were at the Post Office Lizzie greeted him like she hadn't even appeared at his doorstep with the rising sun and Red let her be because he knew the situation had been quite awkward for her without his teasing.

Like most of her days this hadn't been different either; they had been chasing bad guys, doing some paperwork and going home. Her life was exciting as that poor man's who always counted the traffic on the Wilson Boulevard.

When she finally arrived at home all she wanted to do was forgetting the whole morning fiasco; her stupid idea of taking pastry, his confused gaze, her more stupid plan, his pity, his broad chest, his tattoo, his morning face…

"Oh stop it!" she groaned. Yeah, the only thing she needed tonight was the naughty thoughts about the Concierge of Crime and she would become a complete nutjob by midnight. The only cure that made this mess disappear from her head was a good glass of Chardonnay. Or a bottle.

"_Make it two bottles, just to be certain."_

She opened the fridge and took out the already opened bottle but it had only a little wine so she opened the cabinet as well but there wasn't any more liquid either.

"You can't be serious!" she groaned again. She wanted to get drunk, dammit!

Liz grabbed her purse and after calling a cab she went to her favourite bar. It was a small but cozy place where she hadn't found two fitting mugs or glasses yet but that was she loved the most.

"Elizabeth, honey!" the bartender hugged her above the counter.

"Joey, how are you?" she smiled at her buddy and hugged him back.

"Fine, thank you. So nice to see that you finally carried your pretty ass here again!" he laughed and poured something into two shot glasses.

"I've been busy a bit and I had a rough day so please tell me that this thing is strong…what is this by the way?"

"Sex with an Alligator: melon and raspberry liqueur with Jägermeister." what Joey like the best in Lizzie that she almost tried the brand new drinks with him. She shrugged and swallowed it one mouthful. It wasn't that bad and she knew that would cause some problem…

…**Fourteen hours later…**

Who the hell was pounding the walls of her bedroom with a gigantic hammer? And who the hell put her bed on the water? She felt like she was floating on the middle of the Pacific Ocean with twenty students from a drum school.

She slowly opened her eyes but shut it immediately as these students started practicing next to her. One minute later she realized that they weren't next to her; they were IN her head and tortured her without mercy.

"Oh my god…" she groaned in pain and pulled the blanket over her head when the door opened and somebody walked in.

She pushed the blanket away, just to see who the intruder was.

"Good, you're awake. Slept well?" Red smirked at her smugly while he knotted his tie.

"What the…" she clutched her head and after the drum solo she whispered again. "What are you doing in my bedroom?"

Red chuckled and buttoned his vest then he sat down next to her.

"Sweetheart, this is **my **bedroom."

"What? What happened?" she wasn't in the physical state to express her curiosity so she just closed her eyes and tried not to throw up.

"Well, after you were dead drunk you called Dembe at three in the morning to get you home."

"_Oh, fuck. Was I that drunk? I hope my drunken moods didn't appear."_

"Then why did he bring here?"

"Yeah, that would have been better if he had taken you home." he rolled his eyes and continued. "So after you shamelessly flirted with him and got sick in the car…" he was too amused to hide his smug grin. The grin which tightened Lizzie's fist but she was too tired to lift her hand so she just let him take the advantage of her misery. "You hugged an also drunk pedestrian on the street. Then Dembe brought you in and after I dragged you under the shower…" he almost laughed again as her widened eyes stared at him. "Not to worry, you were in your clothes and after I left you there for five minutes I still don't know how but you changed yourself into one of my shirts and boxers. So no; I didn't see anything inappropriate. Then you literally cried on my shoulder and told me the real reason why you had showed up last morning. It was quite heart wrenching, really. Then you said something about having sex with an alligator" he shook his head, still didn't know where to put it.

"_Oh, thank god! At least my moods stopped here." _she sighed but as if Red could read her mind he shook his head.

"After you tried to hit on me – I'm glad that you like my scent by the way - I put you in bed and you insisted to let me use me as your own teddy bear and pillow. I said no and you…" he stopped for a moment as the memory of her adorable face begged him to stay with her. He was falling for this woman and she didn't have the clue. "Didn't accept it. I'm really sorry sweetheart I wanted to be a gentleman and leave you after you fell asleep but you can be quite possessive even in your sleep." he would never forget the night when she had slept on his chest, arm around his waist, her leg wrapped around his thighs. Red didn't know that it had felt so good because he finally held someone on to him after years of lonely nights or because this someone had been Lizzie. Maybe both.

"_Happy, horny, sick, hugger, sorrowful, horny, hugger. The standard procedure when Elizabeth Keen decides to get drunk. And all that happened in front of Reddington. Great!"_

"I'm so sorry, Red. Please would you just leave me here, die on my own?" she said as she buried her face into the pillow. She had just realized that it smelled like Red and Liz felt something warm in her chest but a moment later her still throbbing head diverted the attention.

He laughed as he gently stroked her back then his hand stopped at her shoulder because he forced himself to refuse the urge of kissing her temple; she was embarrassed enough without it.

"Stay as long as you want. I talked with Cooper and I said that we're working on a case and we have to go to Los Angeles so I borrowed you for a day. You don't have to leave the bed nor the house. I have a meeting with one of my clients today but I'll be back in an hour or two." he picked the pills and the glass of water from the nightstand and offered them. "Take these."

She slowly sat up and rested herself against the headboard.

"What's this?" she studied the pills but she had pretty ugly hangover so she didn't even wait his answer and she just swallowed it.

"It'll ease your headache and the nausea. I brought a bottle of water; it stays next to the bed. Try to drink as much as you can and rest. After that I think we need to talk." he finished and held the blanket as she crawled back under it and closed her eyes. He had to hold back the another urge of kissing her so he just touched her hair like when she had been at the Stewmaker's and walked out.

She tried to think about what just had happened but she fell asleep after the minute he had left.

###

Four hours later she woke up again; the nausea and the throbbing pain were gone, only a slight headache and the embarrassment remained. Liz sat up and drank some water as she looked around; probably it was a new safe house because she had never been here before but the design perfectly fitted to Red. As her eyes caught the door of bathroom she slowly got up and freshened herself up with a quick shower.

When she put on his shirt again and went to the bedroom her eyes caught her reflection in a big mirror and something indescribable gave her a strange feeling as she watched herself in _his _shirt, in _his _boxers. It was a pretty good feeling. She shivered a bit then went to looking for Red.

He was in the living room with Dembe; they were playing chess. Liz found it a bit odd, seeing him like this; like a person who just played with his friend. Somehow she couldn't imagine him like this, until now.

She cleared her throat to divert the men's attention to her.

"Ah, Lizzie, how are you feeling?" Red stood up and stepped next to her.

"I have a slight headache but I'll live." she smiled shyly.

"Dembe, would you make some coffee for us? Thank you." he smiled at his friend then he put his hand to the small of her back, leading her to the couch.

"Red, I am so sorry. I shouldn't have…"

"No need to feel sorry. You're working hard; of course you need some hang out sometimes. And I have to tell you that I'm glad you called me." he smiled at her to ease her nerves. It worked. "After you fell asleep I thought about your little journey around the world."

"Red…" no, she definitely didn't need to hear it again.

"Just let me finish." he ordered gently. "Last morning I didn't really understand your intention but last night you convinced me."

"I know it was stu…wait, what?" she furrowed her brow.

He chuckled and crossed his legs as he leaned back.

"First I thought you just want run away from the problems but then you helped me understand that you want the opposite with this. That you want to fix something in you which are broken, you want to search these problems and solve it. And I think it could work."

"So, you're helping me?" she was pretty excited.

"Yes." he nodded.

**To be continued…**


End file.
